Losing Freckles, losing Kate
by Kate Bridges
Summary: Jack, Kate and Sawyer have been rescued off the island. Kate married Jack, but then Sawyer comes back and reminds her of who she used to be. Skate with some Jate. Happy holidays everyone, and reviews are very helpful! Chapter 2 here
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys**

**Here's a little Skate oneshot that I wrote as an excuse to procrastinate on my dumb ass science homework. The raft worked and brought a rescue, Kate's gotten out of jail and is now married to Jack, until Sawyer shows up again and she's caught between both of them. Skate with some Jate. **

**Enjoy, please review, and happy holidays,**

**Kate**

**And, as always, Sawyer, Kate and Jack are not mine, I just like writing about them. **

He kept moving, moving step by step, his eyes locked on the snow burying his feet. He couldn't stop moving, he just kept pushing through an endless crowd in the middle of a city. He didn't know where he was going anymore, and he didn't care. The whole city seemed dead to him, even with it's crowds of people and it's blinding lights. But there was no life in it, no life in the world anymore. Hell, he might even be dead, he didn't know. All he knew was that he needed to find her, find Kate. It was the one thing the kept him dragging his feet down the empty, dark streets. He kept seeing her face in his mind. He hadn't even realized how much he cared, until it was almost too late. All he knew now as that he just had to keep going.

And then he heard her laughter, bright as he remembered.

He blinked and twisted his head around, but he couldn't see anything. He shook his head violently, his shaggy blond hair falling in front of his eyes.

He heard it again, ringing through his ears, and he ran, ran blindly toward the familiar sound-

There she was. Just beyond that glass window, there she was laughing. It was almost hard for him to believe after looking for her for all those years and finally, after he was about to give up, there she was. The world was about to come to life as he was about to rush through the door was he noticed who was holding her hand, whose fingers were woven into hers. Jack.

He stared for when seemed like an endless moment before he turned around, preparing to run-

"Sawyer?"

It was Jack's voice, and Sawyer slowly turned back to greet it, as much as he wanted to just run and forget everything, but he couldn't move. "Hey Doc," he muttered as brightly as he could. But he couldn't take his eyes off Kate, who was staring at him with wide eyes, her mouth dropping open.

Jack looked to her, noticing her surprise. Watching the way Sawyer looked at her, he had to leave. But he trusted Kate.

He whispered in her ear, "I'm gonna go home, okay? I'll meet you."

He gently untangled his fingers from hers and turned to leave. Kate tore her eyes from Sawyer's and looked sharply at Jack.

"Jack, what are you doing, wait-Jack!"

But he merely kissed her and disappeared.

Kate dug her heel into a pile of snow, still feeling Sawyer's gaze on her. It was a few minutes before she let her eyes meet his. She opened her mouth and stuttered, waiting for the right words to come.

"W-what are you doing here?"

She tried to say it sharply, but it was small and shaky, and he heard everything in her voice; the shock at seeing him again, and he even caught a bit of fear. He'd never seen her scared before. His voice softened.

"I just wanted to talk to you-"

"You came all the way over here just to talk?" She shook her head, staring at the ground. "God, Sawyer, it's been five years-"

"Did you marry him?" Sawyer asked, a question that he almost didn't want to ask.

Kate bit her lip hard and nodded. "He came and got me out of jail. I didn't really have anywhere else-"

"You could've come and found me, I would've-"

"I was scared, okay?" Kate yelled, and everyone passing by in the snow turned to stare. She stopped and collapsed into a snow-covered bench on the side of the street. He sat next to her, wanting to hold her hand as he noticed the tears glistening in her eyes. But something held him back.

Kate didn't look at him as she tried to say the words caught in her throat.

"I didn't think that you-"

"Freckles-"

Her head snapped up and her eyes locked on his. _Freckles. _She had almost forgotten about that name, the name he gave her. God, how could she have forgotten that?

She'd changed. Just then she realized how much. She'd left Freckles behind on the island, and now she was hardly even Kate anymore. Panic flooded through her as she realized how much of herself she had lost. How could she become herself again?

Sawyer saw the panic on her face and the thoughts racing through her head. He didn't know what to say but something unstoppable took control of him as he took her in his arms and fiercely kissed her.

Kate let herself get lost in the kiss just for a moment. How long of a moment it was, she didn't know; it could have been seconds, or hours, or days. But after the one moment passed she pulled away.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, before standing and following Jack's footprints home.

Kate never knew what made her walk away from him that night. She loved him, that was the one thing she knew, and maybe that was what she was afraid of. But she knew something else that clung to her as she wandered home through the snow. She wasn't Freckles anymore. She had lost that part of herself when she left Sawyer, and a part of Kate Austen with it. Sawyer only reminded her of what she lost. She walked home with the name of Kate Shepard, the one name she had left.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, I had planned on this just being a short story, but then after your awesome reviews about continuing it, I decided to keep going with it. I haven't really got any ideas as to what's going to happen(okay, fine, I have absolutely no clue) but I figured I'd just see how it turns out. So here you go, chapter 2. **

**Love,**

**Kate**

**And you probably know this already, but good reviews are among my most favorite things. Thanks, and happy new year. **

She paced back and forth, back and forth next to her apartment door, turning the choices over and over in her head. Tell Jack. Don't tell Jack. Tell him, knowing that he might leave you, or don't, and feel terrible every time he mentions his name. Take the risk and tell, or let it haunt you.

Kate was considering the second option when she pictured his face as she told him, the smile drooping, his head hanging down. No she couldn't do that.

But did she even have a choice?

Just as Kate became convinced she was about to dig a hole right through the hall carpet with her repetitive steps, she realized she couldn't take it anymore. She flung the door open.

As she tossed her coat over a hook by the door, she heard a tired voice greet her from the chair in the corner.

"Hey."

A light flickered on, and there Jack was, collapsed in his old leather chair. "Good thing you're home. I was getting worried."

Kate opened her mouth to answer when a loud wail sounded from down the hall. Her heart pounded and she raced after it. She reached the door in seconds and gently pushed it open, tiptoeing over to the tiny crib where the baby lay crying.

"Shhhhh," she whispered, leaning over to scoop him up in her arms. His tiny hand clung to her finger. "Shhhhh, Tom, it's okay."

Jack watched from the doorway as she rocked him back to sleep in the rocking chair, listening to her gentle whispers. In a few minutes, the baby, Tom, had fallen asleep, just as always. Kate quietly rose to her feet, laid him back down in the crib, and tiptoed back out, closing the door with as little noise as possible behind her.

She pressed her ear to the door, her hand gripping the doorknob, ready to rush back in if she heard the slightest noise.

'Kate," Jack took her hand, a smile on his face, "I'm sure he's fine."

Kate nodded, trying to hide how worried she still was. "I just woke him up, I needed to make sure he was really asleep, you know."

Jack laughed as he turned back down the hall.

"What?" Kate snapped, glaring at him.

"I've still never seen anyone run that fast," Jack grinned, falling back into the leather chair again.

Kate darkened her gaze on him. "I just get worried sometimes, okay?" But she could fell a smile tugging at her mouth as he laughed at her.

Suddenly the laughter faded. Kate could see his face turn serious.

"You wanna talk about what happened? Anything you want to tell me?"

Kate's heart stopped as the memory played again in her head. The way he looked at her, pulled her close, closer, closer-

"No." Kate was startled by the sound of her own voice. She took a deep breath. "There's nothing."

She could tell he didn't believe her. She scrambled to find something to say.

"We just- talked. That was it."

Jack gave her one more look. She knew what it meant. He knew there was more, more she wasn't telling. She looked right back at him, hoping with beyond hope that he couldn't hear her heart pounding.

He just stood and walk over to her, and kissed her whispering,

"I'm going to bed, you should too. You look tired, staying up with the baby all night."

She forced a smile, kissed him back and watched him walk away, desperately wondering how long she could keep her secret.


End file.
